Once...

... in awhile we are overcome with such  emotion and strength it changes everything. Yesterday I went on a hike up in Rockland county with two wonderful people. They are pretty experienced hikers and know what they are doing, me...not so much. I just know I love being outside and being free so I tagged along. Keep in mind I have a twisted knee, horribly loose sneakers, asthma and been getting dizzy spells and now I have to climb up lots of vertical rocks ha! Within the first five minutes my body was hurting but when some of the trees cleared and I saw the first view...

I said, "there is nothing that will prevent me from getting to the top". The further and further I climbed my body just gave in and the pain just went away, it was still challenging trying to climb knowing putting your foot in the wrong spot would end it all...but also how amazing. There were also bears and coyotes there but luckily this time we only encountered deer and turkey buzzards ha. By the time I reached the peak I was sweaty, covered in dirt out of breath and very surprised I hadn't fallen and broken my neck. The view from the top was incredible...

I layed on a rock and watched the birds fly below us because we were higher than the birds. I had a great feeling of calm and I smiled and like a mess started to cry. How could I not? I just climbed a mountain! So many things were affirmed for me in that moment and not by myself by something else, something telling me to just stop trying to control everything, let go and just let the wind take my life where it wants to. That all this love all this pain all this healing is not in vain and everything will be fine.

It was like a weight was lifted off my soul up there and brought me an inner peace. My body is sore today but my soul feels wonderful. I understand that I'm an intense person that requires very special people to understand me and that's okay. I know it's okay to let people in now, I have no room for those in my life who try to hurt or manipulate me only those who love to hear me laugh and make me smile. I know what I want in this life. I think I've always known. I'm a rare girl that's for sure and I think I need to travel, climb and lay on many rocks on many peaks and settle with a house in the woods with nothing but trees for miles and listen to good music and the trees blowing and when I can the voices of those I love most, because if there is one thing is this life I know its that the things you love can disappear fast, you must rely on yourself. Everything is bonus and that's okay.






 I have a lot of love to give those I care about and I'm done keeping it all inside.

I cry hard, fight hard, love hard and live hard, I live on the borderline.